Rules of the Road

HOW IT WORKS

Smut Slam DC is a storytelling open mic featuring real-life first-person sex stories. Each Slam has a theme– check the calendar listing to see what it is that month. Slammers sign up at the event to tell a 5-minute dirty story, based on their real-life experiences. A lucky 8 to 10 names will be drawn at random to tell their stories. Every storyteller gets a goodie bag of Glyde condoms and Uberlube samples just for being brave enough to get on stage!

(This means that YOU are the show! It’s not pre-planned or curated– this is a true open mic. Not a Smut Slammer? You’re still welcome and you’re in for a great time! We just need everyone to know that this is an audience participation event.)

A panel of local celebrity judges awards each slammer points based on story arc (does it have a beginning, middle, and end?), storytelling presentation, commitment to the theme, sticking to the 5-minute limit, and “X factor” (that certain something they liked about it). Judging is all in good fun! Winners receive sexy prize packages from our sponsors that include Uberlube; toys, event tickets, or other goodies from Lotus Blooms; and a handmade wooden toy from crafters Creamed & Sugared.

And don’t forget the FUCKBUCKET! Our Bucket Babe will be circulating throughout the night to collect anonymous questions and confessions that the audience writes down, some of which your hosts will read in between stories. At the end of the evening, we draw a raffle from the bucket for a spectacular steel sex toy from sponsor Njoy Toys.

Are you ready for the world’s sexiest open mic? Mark your calendar or check out other Smut Slam cities!

Poster paper against grungy brick wall says How it Works
Poster paper against grungy brick wall says Rules for Tellers

RULES FOR TELLERS

  • No notes, costumes, or props; this is storytelling, not theater.
  • Only five minutes, with a one-minute grace period AND
  • The story must be real and have happened to you.
  • Keep the mic very close to your mouth so we can hear your awesome story!
  • CONSENT IS KEY. These must be stories about consensual sex. If it’s not consensual, then it’s not sex. (Save it for a different story night, or your therapist.)
  • This is not a “Kinkier Than Thou” competition; tellers don’t get bonus points for more people and/or equipment in the story. We welcome people with all types and amounts of sexual experiences to our space.
  • That said, some stories are very raw and heavy. You’re not required to give a content warning or note before your story, but if the topic might be triggering, we encourage it.
  • You don’t always need to be the hero. Stories often are funny and/or “epic win,” but we want to encourage people to consider sharing their sad, disturbing, poignant, serious, simple and/or “fail” experiences, too.
  • Smut Slam is queer-friendly, kink-friendly AND vanilla-friendly, fat-friendly, poly-friendly- we are just super friendly!
  • We don’t welcome stories involving racism, transphobia, homophobia, sexism, body-shaming, or any other discrimination, fetishization, or objectification. (We haven’t ever had to interrupt a story, but we have occasionally had a teaching moment from the mic afterward.)

RULES FOR LISTENERS

  • No interrupting. Also, try to get your drinks or potty breaks between stories.
  • That said, if a story’s topic is too intense or triggering for you, it’s totally okay to duck out for a few minutes. Take care of yourself!
  • No heckling. We love rowdiness, but only one person has the mic. If it’s not you, don’t interrupt and don’t be a jerk to try to be funny.
  • Don’t yuck someone else’s yum. If a story is about something that’s not your thing, remember that it’s their thing and squash the instinct to make faces or noises.
  • Show the storytellers some love– it’s hard to get up and talk about really intimate moments, so reward them for being brave! Without them, we’d just be a room full of people drinking and getting bored.
  • No necking in the front row.
  • What happens at Smut Slam stays at Smut Slam; if it’s not your story, it’s not your story to tell. (Think of it as our own mini-Las Vegas!)
  • No photos or videos of the performance. Please ask people before taking pictures of them in the lounge or theater outside the show.
Poster paper against grungy brick wall says Rules for Listeners

RULES FOR SAFE SPACE

Smut Slam DC is intended to be a safe space for everyone who attends, and we take that VERY seriously. There are two things every attendee needs to know:

  • We’re sharing some pretty intimate, vulnerable stuff here, and that can make everyone feel really bonded. That’s awesome! HOWEVER, just because you heard someone tell a really sexy personal story (or even if they didn’t tell a story at all), you are not entitled to anyone’s time, attention, conversation, acceptance of your offer of a drink, phone number, sexual interest, or anything else. Don’t be a creep. If someone’s not giving you an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no. Respect that. We’re not kidding.*
  • Conversely, if anyone is giving you unwanted attention, and you don’t feel like you can handle it on your own or you just want to let someone know what’s going on, you are ALWAYS welcome to find Diva, Mindi, our door person, our bucket babe, or any of the bar staff and ask for help. The Brixton is certified as a Safe Bar by Collective Action for Safe Space’s (CASS) Safe Bar Program, which means that the front of house staff has been trained to recognize, intervene in, and de-escalate situations of sexual harassment. We as hosts will not hesitate to eject and ban anyone who violates safe space and consent.

*We’ve never had a problem with anyone at our events to our knowledge, thankfully. Our crowds are especially respectful and cool. However, DO NOT TEST US. Don’t become the case study we bring up at every Slam until the end of time to prove that we’re serious.

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